Fleshlight Motion offers an interactive experience

For years, the most prolific and serious of female self-pleasurers have had the Sybian. It’s an expensive investment, but offers women something between a saddle, a piston and a gynecological device, for the price of a few thousand dollars.

Yes, a pleasant product to think about. But what is the serious Onanistic male to do for a like method of pursuing his afficionadoism? Enter Fleshlight — the one gadget no man would ever admit to having ever thought of having purchased — and their new gadget, the Fleshlight Motion.

“Designed exclusively for Fleshlight by Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear,” the Fleshlight Motion allows the solipsistic sexual male the opportunity to frantically couple with a latex simulacrum of orifices, while attached to a strange and frightening array of vibrating and thrusting mechanically controlled robots, all of which look like the sort of Imperial droids which might be utilized to help Darth Vader go to the bathroom.

Fleshlight is touting the device as the “ultimate handsfree experience,” but we’re skeptical: we’d say the ultimate handsfree experience is a pair of handcuffs and a significant other. Still, we suppose in the absence of one or the other, the Fleshlight Motion might do the job. After all, practice makes perfect. And for between $90 to $150, with the Fleshlight sold separately, this is a pretty cheap way to practice: a date would cost you more.